my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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