I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
