just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
