he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
