exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
