Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
