I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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