I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
