She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hate all girls vehemently.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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