now i know why i became what i already was.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
