I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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