the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
