Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
