i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
