she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
