I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
