The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
