I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
