You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
