Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
