In the future we'll all be gay
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
