Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
