just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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