i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
