It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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