Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Farmville is her only friend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
