just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
