we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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