making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Operation Purity has been aborted
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize