She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
