i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
