I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
