Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
