i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
