Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
