my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
