I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
