just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I came so hard my ears popped.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
