Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
