Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
