and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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