Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
