either way he was missing a nipple.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You ruined the universe
Randomize