If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did I show you my penis last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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