She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
