i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
