found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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