I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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