It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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