I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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