i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize