Whod you bang
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
