Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
