I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
