the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
