I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
