i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
