I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Barsexuality is the new black.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
