Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
