Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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