Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize