hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
