Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
