Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
