I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
