How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
