Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
