We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
