he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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