i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
