i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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