Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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